Success May Surprise You

This is a tough one to believe, I know. Of course, you know what success is. It’s a high-paying job. Right? Wait, maybe not. We all come to college for different reasons and with different goals. Universally though, having a good job or career (they are different things by the way!) is one of the primary reasons why students come to college. But if you only define success by the amount of money you make, you are missing out on what college can do for you and you risk a lifetime of unhappiness. After all, there is always more money out there that you have not yet made.

So what is success anyway? Success is a deeply personal idea. It is grounded in your values and beliefs. It is part of your roadmap to your life- moving towards success is a never-ending journey guided by what you believe is right, and right for you at that time. You’ll find yourself chasing success and it moving away each time you get close because you likely reevaluate and then revise what you think success is.

What you think of as success, as you enter college, is likely to be very different from what you think it is at graduation. AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY! In fact, it’s a sign of growth that you see success differently and more vibrantly over time

Most college students find themselves changing their major, or at least how they want to use their major field of study. Many find themselves wanting something different for themselves and their families. Students typically reevaluate their lifestyles and relationships as they learn more about themselves and the world around them. One of the best things about college is how it broadens how you think of the world around you- and with that comes new ideas of what success can look and feel like. Changing your views on success, whether it’s clarifying it or outright changing or deepening connection, is a sign you are thriving in college and getting ready to take your place in the world as a leader. Setting goals,  monitoring progress, and revising your goals are key to becoming a leader. And we all know that we need good leaders to tackle the very big problems that our world faces.

Success may surprise you, both in what you think it is, and how you approach it- and what you view as success today will evolve as you are in college (and beyond).

-Dr. L

 

How do you want to change the world?

You came to college with some notion of your future- and an idea of how it fits in with your future plans. You may have envisioned success in a hazy way. We all come to college for a reason. Sometimes, we know what we want, and other times, we don’t know what we want but know we need to work towards something. Everyone who comes to college wants something more. That more is different from person to person- and will constantly change for you personally as you work through your years in college.

So, how do YOU want to change the world?

You might want to change it for your family or your community. It could be a specific group that you care deeply about. There may be a big issue you want to be in a position to help solve. You might not know how you want to improve things, but still feel the drive to be better and something more. While the socio-technical problems of our world can be overwhelming, we can each help in a small way- and college is one place where we can find what we want to study, build skills we can use in any area of our lives, and start to identify where we can improve our lives and the world itself.

What is a good life?

Everyone has a vision of what they consider a good life. While each person’s vision can be different, there are some common elements in most people’s ideas of a good life.

Your challenge in designing and building your life is to consider how you can change the world and what a good life (success) means to you. You must work towards that while also allowing your vision of the future to change and evolve.

For many people, a good life is one

  • where you understand the meaning and purpose of your life and how you contribute to the world
  • where your life has value and matters
  • with connections to other people that enrich your life and theirs
  • includes conditions of daily living that allow you comfort, agency, autonomy, and the ability to live well

As you think about your future, consider what a good life is to you. What type of work will you do? Who do you spend your time with? What values do you expect your employer to have and live by?

Success is not static

Few things in life are static; everything changes. Success – and what you think success is- will change too. As you learn more about yourself and the world, you’ll see what is possible and where you want to fit in. As you move through college, you’ll likely find that:

The world changes- and with that, possibilities change. Things that are not even dreams today can become possible in the future. Knowledge changes- creating progress and opportunities. What we don’t know now will shape our future decisions and actions. Relationships change- and you’ll meet many people who will be important to you, influence you, and change your future path. You change- the person you are today will develop, grow, expand, and find new ways of thinking and being. With that comes new goals.

The idea that success is a goal, that we reach it once and stay there, is false. Like other ideas, success is a constantly changing force in our lives.

Humans have the amazing ability to envision the future. Unfortunately, we are often quite bad at envisioning. We suffer from projection bias- where we look at the future as if our current selves and current state are how we will always be. This shows up in many aspects of our lives- if we do poorly on an exam, we likely think we will not do well on the next one. This is unconscious, and we must push back at these beliefs; otherwise, they control our decision-making. An example of this is that when we are sad or angry, we imagine our future through the lens of sad or angry- as if we will never be happy again. If we plan something when we are hungry, we are likely to overestimate how much we will want to eat in the future- and if we are tired, we are likely to underestimate what we can get done and overestimate our emotional reactions to events.

If you think of our 4 areas of change-

World: We made today’s decisions as if the world of tomorrow will be the same as today. It won’t be, and we will have new challenges and possibilities as time goes on. This means we need to adjust our goals and worldview as we learn.

Knowledge: While it’s easy to think of knowledge as enduring, it isn’t. The better our technology, the more we learn, the more we connect ideas and innovation, the more our knowledge base changes. This means that we have to learn and relearn constantly. College learning is about learning AND being prepared for relearning, ensuring we can manage the changes in knowledge.

Relationship: We may not yet know the people who will make the biggest difference in our lives. In college and beyond, you’ll make friends, meet coworkers, find mentors, and create new connections. This means we should value who we are connected to now and be open to meeting new people and seeing where they fit in our lives.

You: College is a time when you change. You’ll learn to see the world through a new lens, take on other people’s perspectives, add knowledge and skills, and find a new way to fit within the world. College requires you to unlearn some of your prior learning, deepen your understanding of content, build new skills, and develop a clearer sense of your values and those of the fields you study.

Understanding success

For a topic we all care about and talk about so often, it is hard to come up with a general definition of success. That is because success is a very personal idea.

Your definition of success is based on:

  • Your values
  • Your goals
  • The community you are a member of
  • Your upbringing
  • Your personal life experiences

People may define success in terms of financial security and status, but that is just one small part of success. The amount of money people judge as success can differ (again, based on values, goals, community, upbringing, and life experiences). The reason for that amount of money also determines what you consider financial success.

When I talk about financial success with students, I’ve heard answers that include wanting to help their families, building security for themselves so they feel comfortable, having more leisure time and not needing to work multiple jobs, and living a certain lifestyle, with certain comforts including a home, vacation time, and travel. In every case, financial success is a means to the life these students want; money itself is not valuable, but what you can do with it is.

Students have shared with me that success means/includes

  • Safety
  • Comfort
  • Stability
  • Respect
  • Freedom
  • Recognition

Success and happiness

When I talk to students, they often say things like “I’ll be happy if…” and “I’d be successful but…”. Filling in those phrases, they list things like making alot of money or becoming famous, or they list things that they feel hold them back from the life they want. The reality is that success- when we define it narrowly, by an amount of money, being famous, or any simple dimension (like being independent or sleeping better), they likely won’t feel successful OR happy.

Success and happiness are based on your idea of a good life.

While you may feel that you will be happy if you are successful, it is more likely that you’ll be successful if you are happy. Happiness provides the energy for high performance and success. By focusing on building your happiness (which is not an emotion but a way of living) and making choices that contribute to happiness, you are more likely to make choices that lead to success, including:

  • Positive moods which lead to better decision-making and clarity of thought
  • Better relationships that support actions that lead to success
  • Optimism and confidence which energize all aspects of work

Many adults in the United States feel that to succeed, you need to suffer and experience misery. While some suffering and misery are part of life, they do not lead to success for most people. This message is hard to believe, but research shows over and over again (hint: use your college library to search for happiness and success) that people who are in a good emotional state, who feel happy and well within their life context, will succeed at what they do.

Suffering and misery ≠ success

Letting go of the idea that you deserve to suffer or be miserable or that you will benefit from it is important to building the life you want—not just for your emotional health but for all dimensions of health and success. This does not mean you won’t have to make hard choices or be uncomfortable, but being miserable for long periods is not necessary for success.

Focusing on building a good life for yourself, making choices purposefully, and being aware of your goals and values will help you move toward happiness. That happiness will, in turn, move you closer to the success you are hoping for!

Moving forward

Your life has many different dimensions. Moving forward in college and into your career and the life you design, you’ll need to consider your version of success, take advantage of your opportunities, build capital, design (and redesign) your life plan, and assess and change course as you do.

Dimensions: social, career, personal, spiritual, academic

You will spend much of your life working to support the life you build. It is tempting to think of this work only in terms of the money you make. There is so much more to your work than money. Success in your work includes:

  • money
  • enjoyment
  • satisfaction
  • benefits
  • prestige
  • progression
  • learning
  • meaning
  • contribution to a better world
  • flexibility
  • respect and recognition

As you move through college, you’ll think about your future career path and the jobs you will hold. A good job fits your career path, gives you a chance to learn and progress, has meaning, and provides the income, benefits, and flexibility for the life you design.

Your job versus your career

Throughout your life, you will likely have many jobs and more than one career path, or one career path with many twists, turns, and side roads. Jobs are the work you do to make money to support your life. They can, but not always, add to your career path. The goal is to find a job that provides a good life AND helps you build your career.

  • A job is concrete, paid employment—how you make money. It can be ongoing or limited (a contract or gig), full-time or part-time, consistent or on an as-needed basis.
  • A career is your overall pathway or profession that you prepare for, learn about, and continue to grow, develop, and progress in.

Individual jobs can fit within your career pathway or can be a way to earn money, make connections, build capital, or find opportunities that you can take advantage of. Specific jobs can do one or more of these- and may not fit your designed career path. We often pick jobs based on how they benefit us and fit into our lives. Knowing your career path and goals and designing this path helps you to make smart choices with specific jobs. Given two equal opportunities for work, you would likely choose the job that matches your career path.

The difference between a job and a career is often emotional and learning investment. Each job you have gives you new insight into yourself and the world, new skills and knowledge, and a deepening ability to use what you already have learned in other parts of your life (including college). These jobs enhance your career path, even if they do not match your goals and aspirations. Jobs give you experiences outside of your career path that can help you learn about yourself and the world. Jobs in your career path may directly contribute new skills and experiences that help you understand your chosen path and even provide formal education and credentials.

Not all jobs have to be part of your career path. It is okay to take a job because it allows you to live your life. Sometimes people take a specific job because of the income it provides or the flexibility and freedom it brings. There is no one way to build a career OR a life. And over your life, you’ll find yourself with a mix of jobs that fit your career path and your life. The hope is to build your career so that it uses the best parts of yourself, pushes you to learn and grow, and provides a life in which you can thrive.

Embracing opportunity

Opportunities are all around you. You’ll never be able to take advantage of all of them—and though that may sound sad, it is wonderful to realize that you can pick and choose. You don’t need to feel guilty about missing an opportunity. By realizing that you can’t and shouldn’t try to take every opportunity, you give yourself permission to make choices that fit you and the life you are designing for yourself.

Opportunities come from:

  • Connection
  • Relationships
  • Experiences
  • Knowledge
  • Needs of others

Opportunities can be personal and affect you. They relate to your social life, career path, family, or a mix of all of these. Opportunities to learn are all around us; being present in your life and aware of what is happening will help you identify opportunities. You can make space in your life to identify opportunities by taking steps that challenge you and expand your life.

How to make space in your life for opportunities:

  • Talk to people you know
  • Reach out to campus groups like career services, and student life and affairs
  • Stay current on technology and changes in your field of study
  • Discuss ideas with your faculty
  • See what is happening in your community and on your campus
  • Build new skills
  • Try new experiences
  • Attend a performance or event that you’ve never experienced before
  • Work on a new hobby
  • Challenge a fear (for example, public speaking)
  • Donate your time to someone in need
  • Travel
  • Learn something new

By making room in your life for opportunities, you’ll be more aware of others, what they need, and where you can contribute. These opportunities will help you develop your skills, learn more about yourself and others, and build critical connections and relationships that will help you share your future. Being open is the beginning, and taking steps to be in the places where things happen will ensure you are aware of the possibilities and take advantage of the opportunities.

Building capital

Capital refers to anything you can use to enhance your life and success. While financial capital is well known, there are many more forms of capital. You build your capital with every experience you have, every person you meet, everything you learn, and every action, reaction, success, and failure. Capital is something you build, maintain, and use throughout your life!

As you move forward, think about building:

Human and intellectual capital through ongoing learning inside and outside of the classroom, including your understanding of how you learn and how to learn.

Experience capital through internships, cooperative learning, shadowing, and interviews with people in positions and fields that interest you

Social capital through college clubs and groups, professional organizations, friendships, mentoring, introductions, presentations, and conferences

Cultural capital through experiences with other cultures that help you develop understanding and communication that enable you to work with others

There are other forms of capital, but these four are ideal for building in college. In college, you’ll have access to resources and experiences that are hard to find elsewhere. As you work through college, think of each of these and how you can incorporate them into your college learning and life.

Designing your future

One of the most valuable things college gives you is the opportunity to design your future. Exposure to many areas of study, methods of gathering and processing information, communication, and theories about human life brings you new ideas and perspectives of what your life could be. As you move through college, it is not just about learning about a subject; you are learning about yourself, what you can contribute to the world, and what you can ask from the world.

Designing your future means thinking carefully about the possibilities, determining the steps you need to take, and planning your path forward. The term design implies that you have a careful plan and approach life with openness and the ability to evaluate your options and choose.

Approaching your life as a design requires a mindset that is both clear about what you want and flexible in how you approach those goals. It requires that you look at your life and everything you do as a chance to learn and grow. Learning is the key to happiness, a good life, and success, and college is an ideal place to work on this design and the mindset that will support you.

Reassessing and changing course

Throughout college and beyond, you will assess what you are doing and change course. This could be due to a change in your value system or goals. You might realize that something you thought you wanted doesn’t fit you, or something you thought was impossible is quite possible for you. Learning and growing requires constant reassessing and adjusting.

It can be difficult and stressful to realize that you need to stop, rethink, and start again. Some tips to help with this process:

  • Remember, you are a work in progress; change is part of this process.
  • Realize that everyone is a work in progress and will find themselves needing to reassess and create new plans.
  • Revisit your goals and values and update them when necessary.
  • Reevaluate what you are doing with kindness and honesty so you know where you are versus where you want to be.
  • Connect with people you trust and ask for their guidance and ideas.
  • Get out of yourself and your own life by volunteering and donating time and energy to others.
  • Listen to advice and feedback, even if it is uncomfortable.
  • Surround yourself with positive people who are doing things that you admire.
  • Get moving- physical activity can help you clear your thinking.

Remember that most people will reassess and change course in small and large ways throughout their lives. People have many careers now, restarting or shifting their focus. People learn, unlearn, and relearn to keep up with the world.

Your goal is to create a life that you thrive in. What you want your life to look like will change frequently as you learn and grow.

A note about college majors

Majors are not destinations, not jobs- they are skill sets and language you’ll use. They shape you but do not define what you will do.

Remember, your major course of study is a series of courses that build your knowledge and skills in one specific area. Your minor, if you have one, is a small course of study that gives you some background in that area. In addition to your major course of study, you also have general education core courses, which give you a foundation of knowledge and skills, and elective courses you can use to build your knowledge and skills in areas you select by taking courses that interest you (note: many people use their electives to complete a minor).

Majors do not define what work you do- your major (and minor) shapes how you will do whatever work you choose to do. – Dr. L

Many students come to college with an idea of the major course of study they want to pursue. Often, they realize that their vision of that major does not fit who they are or want to be. Majors can be changed, especially in the first years of college. Even if you continue in a major course of study you do not want to do work in, remember your major is NOT the job you will have.

Majors give you a set of transferable skills. A transferable skill is one in which what you learn in one area (for example, history class) can be used in other areas (including your job—what you do for income—and your career—your overall path of learning and success).

A transferable skill is learned in one environment and can be used in another

In college, you learn transferable skills in classes focused on specific content areas.

In your general education core courses, you will build your ability to In your major course, you’ll learn
  • communicate (active listening, writing, speaking, and empathy)
  • lead (including interpersonal skills, conflict resolution, working in a team, goal setting)
  • make decisions and solve problems using evidence
  • different approaches to working
  • process improvement
  • method of analysis,
  • theory that explains how the world works
  • how to use the skills you learned in general education courses in specific contexts

By building skills in general education courses and your major (and possibly minor), you will have a strong foundation to begin your career.

One note about practical programs- those that lead to your practicing in a specific field, like nursing, accounting, or teaching. These types of degrees are specific to a specific career path. If you choose one of these degrees, be mindful about your electives and general education courses as you want to take advantage of the opportunities to learn outside of your career focus!

Changing your major?

If you think you want to change your major, talk to:

  • Career services groups to explore majors that fit your goals, values, and interests
  • Faculty instructors and advisors who can answer questions about majors and what other students have done with those majors
  • Academic advisors to understand how changing a major affects your degree path and graduation plans

College gives you a vocabulary, a set of methods and skills, new strategies, and theories and ideas to base all of your work and decisions – and your major decides which methods, skills, strategies, theories, and ideas you use as you move forward in life- regardless of the work you do.

College doesn’t decide your work- it influences how you will do it.

Living with agency and autonomy

One of the most important- and complicated- things about college and life beyond the classroom is how to live with agency (the ability to use your power and resources to fulfill your goals and potential)  ) and autonomy (being free from external control). Both are important to the life you design and build for yourself. They can also be anxiety-producing as agency requires you to make decisions to use your abilities, knowledge, skills, and talents to do what you think and feel is best for the life you want to lead. Autonomy means that while you may be independent, you must make your own decisions and face consequences.

Agency: the power and resources to choose and take action

Autonomy: the ability to make decisions or take action without being controlled by others

As a college student, you have:

  • The agency to decide what to study, participate in campus activities, and take advantage of internships (these are just a few examples of the decisions you will make)
    • Agency as a college student means that you can influence your environment (what you do changes your classes and learning), you are aware of routines and rules and can follow them to achieve results, you know how you want others to perceive you, and you take actions that will create the future you want.
    • Agency makes it possible for you to make decisions for your future
  • The autonomy to decide what work you will (or will not) complete, how you will engage with other students and faculty, and how you’ll approach your life as a student.
    • Autonomy in college includes ownership of your learning, responsibility for learning and learning outcomes, confidence in your knowledge, skills, and ability to learn, and a drive to extend your learning beyond what is explicitly taught.
    • Autonomy allows you to decide what you do without someone else forcing you.

Things to know about agency and autonomy:

  • Autonomy and agency are yours as an adult and college student. You did not earn them, nor can they be taken from you.
  • Some people give up some autonomy or agency in exchange for other benefits.
  • Having agency and autonomy means that you are independent but not alone.
  • What you choose to do with your agency and autonomy affects others and your relationships with them.
  • You are responsible for your choices and actions you take (or do not take).
  • Your choices lead to consequences, both positive and negative

To use your agency and autonomy for success, you need to develop self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability and competency and your ability to identify and use resources. Without self-efficacy, agency and autonomy can isolate you, leaving you feeling alone and helpless.

Students without self-efficacy often feel overwhelmed, isolated, alone, helpless, anxious, stuck, worried, and lost.

The good news is that you can build your sense of self-efficacy since it is a skill you can master.

To develop belief in your ability to manage challenges and access support:

  • Practice what you want to be good at. The more you practice something, the more likely you’ll develop skills and knowledge, and the more confident you will feel about that task and others like it.
  • Take on new challenges. Taking on something challenging gives you personal experience with success and can help you identify how you can be successful in new challenges with the confidence to meet the challenge.
  • Observe people you relate to as they tackle challenges and how they succeed and fail. This can help you identify how to manage challenges and approach challenging situations.
  • Seek encouragement from others and yourself. Motivational words can help you see yourself as competent and capable.
  • Reach out for support and know who is available to help you. Use help when you need it- having support available is often enough to help you manage challenges, and using that help can help you master challenges.

Things to remember about success:

  • What you think of success today will evolve as you learn.
  • Your picture of what success is will change while you are in college- because you learn more and realize how much bigger the world is and how you fit within it.
  • You will have more opportunities than you realize, especially if you look for them.
  • Goals- and our motivations for those goals- can change over time.
  • You will never do everything you want to – and that is freeing!
  • Success = choice.
  • The people you know will help you as you move through your life.
  • You’ll never stop learning (and unlearning and relearning).
  • People change majors, and that is ok.
  • The person you’ll be at the end of college is different than you expect when you start.
  • You have agency and autonomy and need self-efficacy to make the most of them.

College is not the end of your learning; it is the beginning. You’ll be in control of what you learn, which is exciting but also overwhelming because you likely have to search for opportunities to learn.

License

10 things to know to help you survive, thrive, & dive into college learning Copyright © by bridgetalepore. All Rights Reserved.

Share This Book