Being Authentic and Honest Matters
You might wonder who you are, or if people know the real you, or you may feel like you know everything there is to know about yourself. Well, the answer to all of these is NO. You are constantly changing and evolving.
College especially is a time of change as you push your limits, try new things, explore new ideas and ways of thinking, and get to know yourself in a whole new world. But if you are not really sure who you are or will be, how can you be authentic and honest?
Being honest is not just limited to sharing facts (because one of the things you learn in college is that facts are sometimes not as clear as we’d like them to be) or telling someone everything. Being honest means acting with integrity- in a way that you and the people around you are proud of. Being authentic means sharing what is real, what you know (and don’t know), and acting within your values.
Simply put, being honest and authentic means being who you are – and bringing all of yourself to the work you do. It also means respecting that others are who they are and giving them the space to bring all of themselves.
Being honest and authentic also means doing your share of the work, in a real way. Not at the surface level, not by cheating or stealing, and not by allowing others to take on your responsibility. Integrity is an important part of your work in college and your career.
Being yourself and accepting others as they are will help you adapt to new environments and build new connections. Shortcuts may feel good in the moment, but have long term costs and affect who you can and will be in the future.
-Dr. L
Who are you, really?
If you are like most students, there is who you know you are, the person you want to become, and the person that the world sees. At times, these 3 versions of you are similar or even the same- but at other times, you might find that who you truly are is not visible to those around you. Students often share with me that they feel unseen as if the world has no idea who they are or what they are capable of. Other students have shared that the public version of them is what they believe they need to be, and they hide what they see as weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. It is hard to manage these 3 versions, and it can be exhausting. One of the goals you may set for yourself is to be more of your authentic self in public and to bring yourself- your skills, knowledge, experience, and possibilities- to everything you do.
Who are you, truly, inside? Who are you working to become? Who does the world see? How can you bring those versions together?
How do you want the world to view you and your work?
You probably have a vision of the future you, of who you want to grow into (by building on your strengths, adding new experiences, deepening your knowledge, and filling in gaps in your skills and learning). If not, today is a great day to start envisioning yourself in 10 years!
Take that vision and turn it around- what does that person look like to the world? How do they act and communicate? How do they showcase their abilities? If you describe future-you and the work you’ll do, you likely use words like:
- Confident
- Capable
- Responsible
- Exciting
- Collaborative
- Inspiring
- Strong
- Resilient
- Creative
- A problem-solver
- Purposeful
- Cooperative
- Respectful
- Respected
- Open
- Improvement-focused
- Mindful
- Caring
- Courageous
- Compassionate
- Influential
- Self-aware
- Agile and flexible
- Intelligent
All of these words show up frequently when people discuss good leaders, colleagues/coworkers, friends, and partners.
When you think of the work you want to do, you might describe it with words like:
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People who are described this way and actions or work that make a difference result from reflection, planning, and hard work. Knowing what you want to accomplish and how you want to be seen can help you take steps now to become a person who is comfortable with themselves, confident in their skills and abilities, and ready to take part in our world.
Take a moment and think about who you are and how the world sees you. Then, compare these to the person you want to be and how you want to change the world. These are important parts of your future plan and will help you plan how to move forward into your future self.
Why being honest and authentic is valuable AND difficult
Being someone else and acting in ways that do not align with your values, experience, and knowledge is exhausting. It is also unlikely to lead to success in any part of your life- personal, social, academic, or career. When you try to hide what you are or be someone you are not, you use so much energy and emotion to maintain that mask that you miss the opportunity to learn and grow.
Being authentic means being self-aware and understanding what motivates you, your reactions, and what you want. You take steps to build the life you want, and that fits you, and you are honest with yourself and others about that life. In short, authenticity lets you live your life in a very real way.
Being honest is a critical part of living your life authentically. It requires that you be honest with yourself about who you are, what you want, and why you want those things. It means that your goals are clear and stated and that you do not hide them (though you do not need to share everything with everyone all the time- you can be selective). Honest work is part of this, with you taking responsibility for what you need to do, the mistakes you make, and the valuable ideas and contributions you make.
Being authentic and honest isn’t easy. Some risks you take when you are honest and authentic include:
- People could judge or reject you.
- You may develop a worldview that is different from what your family or friends believe or value
- Being honest and authentic requires energy and attention.
- Constant self-assessment may make you face things you want to change about yourself.
Even so, being authentic is important for your well-being, self-esteem, mental health, and overall success in life. While it requires you to spend energy and attention on managing how you act and react, being fake drains your energy, leaves you feeling bad about yourself, and can lead you to actions and decisions that do not fit with who you are and what is truly important to you.
Being honest and authentic does not mean ignoring your weaknesses and insecurities. It means facing them, evaluating them clearly, and taking steps to manage those weaknesses by seeking help and working collaboratively with others who have strengths in those areas.
For example, if you know that interpreting and analyzing data is a weakness for you because you do not have the foundational math skills that you need, instead of avoiding math and data-related work, you can seek assistance on campus, work with faculty to build your skills by observing their work and working (where it’s appropriate) with people who have strengths in the data analysis area so you can not only be successful in your work but can learn from others.
Being honest and authentic has risks and costs, but it also leads to a life in which you are aware of who you are, are accurate with your strengths and abilities, and can take on new challenges. You’ll be able to make decisions you are comfortable with and a life that reflects who you are and how you want to live- not what someone else says you should do.
Understanding who you are and want to be
Each of us has values, motivators, strengths, and weaknesses that affect who we are and how we approach our lives. Being your authentic self, acting honestly, and working towards the person you want to be requires understanding who you are.
What are your values?
Values are standards you live by, put effort into meeting, and judge others by. Your values act like guides, and you may not even be aware of the values you hold.
This is different than what you value (or care about). You may care about something like freedom of speech or money. These are things that you value and you may want from others and from or for yourself. Things like this are not really values, as they do not directly guide your actions.
Examples of values include honesty, kindness, dedication to your family or studies, fairness, and empathy. Each of these guides the choices you make and the actions you take.
While you likely have many things you value, you have a set of core values. These 3-5 values are present in all aspects of your life.
Your values are often based on your culture- how you are raised, what your family sets as values, and what those around you as you grow up have as values. In college, many students find themselves evaluating these values and deciding if they are inherited or truly core values.
Some common values are:
- Autonomy
- Fairness
- Faith
- Honesty
- Justice
- Kindness
- Learning
- Love
- Loyalty
- Religion
- Reputation
- Responsibility
- Security
- Safety
- Success
When you do something that goes against your core values, you will likely find that you feel uncomfortable and unhappy- even if the reward for doing so is high. When someone you know does something against your values, you likely will judge them and see them differently and in a negative way.
Your values guide your behavior and decisions and motivate you to learn, think, and take action. Identify 3 or 4 values that are your core values and consider how what you do, the decisions you make, and the life you lead match them. Do you need to adjust any of your plans, goals, or actions?
Focusing on 3 or 4 core values can help you be your authentic self and approach your decisions, work, and relationships with honesty and integrity.
What motivates you?
Motivation is the force that pushes you to do things. It is the WHY of what you do- and lack of motivation leads to you not doing what you think you should, are assigned to do, or need to do to live your life.
Motivation is a process that includes initiating action, guiding your choices, and ensuring you continue goal-directed behaviors (actions that get you closer to whatever it is that needs to be done). Motivation is complex and includes biological (physical), emotional, social, and mental (thinking) processes.
Motivation includes
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Activation Starting |
Persistence Continuing |
Intensity Pace and effort |
| The decision to start an action, the change from not doing to beginning to working | The effort to work towards a goal despite difficulties or complications | The amount of concentration and energy you need to put into working towards your goal |
There will be some things you are motivated to do—for example, checking social media, playing video games, and eating your favorite foods. These all feel good, and from a motivational standpoint, that is enough to initiate the action you want to take (checking, playing, or eating).
For many students, initiating action is the issue- getting started is difficult and overwhelming, especially when they do not enjoy their classwork, feel confident in their ability to do the work, or do not recognize how it applies to them.
You may feel low motivation when:
- You don’t see the value in the task you need to do
- You think that you must be perfect or the situation must be perfect before working
- You think that whatever your task is should be easy for you
- You think that there is only one way to do things, and it doesn’t fit how you work
- You have low confidence in your ability to do the task
You can increase motivation- and the chance of initiating action- by reviewing what needs to be done and connecting it to your goals and future. It helps envision a future where the task or assignment is done and one where you do not do the work. It might make sense to break tasks and assignments into smaller, easier-to-complete parts so you can see your progress (which will help you persist). You can remind yourself of past successes, of positive feedback, and of the strengths you have that make the assignment or task possible. These will help you start and persist until the task or assignment is completed.
When you tackle a task you are not invested in, you need to find ways to become invested and make the task or assignment part of your life- and this requires changing your mindset.
To identify what motivates you, ask yourself:
- When do I feel most alive and energized?
- What do I love doing? What did I love doing in the past and miss doing now?
- What do I really want for myself, and have I always wanted for myself?
- What matters most to me, and how much energy and work will I put into it?
- What do I care enough about to risk failing at, over and over again?
Once you understand what motivates you, you can begin adjusting your work and mindset to connect your task and assignment to something that does motivate you.
Some things that might motivate you (big general ideas that you can reflect on and make more specific):
- Connection to other people
- Creating new things
- Comfort, security, or safety
- Influence
- Possessions and wealth
- The knowledge your life has meaning
- Accomplishments
- Creativity
- Curiosity
- Competition (with yourself or others)
- Respect, status, and recognition from others
You can find motivation within yourself or borrow it from outside by considering rewards and consequences. Either way, changing your mindset and connecting your task to your knowledge of who you are and the vision of who you want to be can help you initiate action. Reflecting on past success and future rewards can help you persist, and attention to what you are doing in the moment can help you control the pace of your work—even if it isn’t something you would choose.
Who influences your thoughts, emotions, and actions?
The people around you, the information you are exposed to, and the messages you hear all contribute to how you think, what you feel, and the actions you take.
Things to keep in mind:
- The novelty effect says that people, things, ideas, or information that is new to you will evoke the strongest response. You may find that something new captures your attention and becomes the focus of what you do, think, and say.
- Repetition, or seeing the same information (no matter its quality), can help you remember something and lead you to believe something (even if you know it is false).
- Emotions can be contagious, with negative emotional reactions like anger, misery, sadness, and discouragement spreading easily between people. This happens because of unconscious mimicry, mirroring, and feedback you receive from others through body language (including facial expressions).
Look at the following to see what type of messages you receive throughout your day and consider how they may influence your thoughts, emotions, and actions:
- What do you read on social media?
- Where do you get your news?
- Who do you talk to, and what do you talk about?
- How do the people around you discuss life events?
- What emotions do the people you spend the most time with tend to share?
As a student, if you surround yourself with people who take college work seriously, consider their goals important, and approach problems and situations in a somewhat positive and logical manner, you are likely to do the same. If you spend time on social media that portray unrealistic lifestyles, over time, you are likely to compare your own life to theirs in a negative way. If you focus on emotions like anger, distrust, and unhappiness, you may feel negative emotions and stress more than others around you.
As you consider who you are and want to be, be careful with the information sources you use, the messages you expose yourself to, and the people you spend time with and listen to. This will help you be your authentic self and support the future you are building.
Understanding your strengths
Everyone has things they are good at. You have skills and a knowledge base with which to work. You have talents and abilities. While you may have been born with the possibility of being good at things, you likely had to work to develop your strengths. Not everyone is comfortable thinking about what they are good at – sometimes because it feels uncomfortable or because it’s hard to identify since your strengths are such a part of what you do.
Examples
- I am curious about the topic
- I am willing to take risks
- Once I start something, I work until it is done
- I know a lot about this topic
- I can write quickly and easily
- I am comfortable talking in front of an audience
- I work well in a group
- I have self-control and don’t lose my temper when frustrated
Acknowledging your challenges and working to improve them
No one is good at everything- and we all have areas we can improve. These challenges, the things we haven’t yet learned, find more difficult to understand or need support in, can feel bad, and many people try to avoid them. But we can’t- facing your challenges and working to learn more, develop more skills, and find the right support (which could be technology, other people who can assist you, or step-by-step instructions) is important. Since these challenges are internal, you have control over them and can work to find a way to learn and be successful.
Examples
- I’m not interested in the topic
- I am nervous when I speak in front of my peers
- I am not comfortable with analyzing data using statistics
- I don’t know how to ask for help from my instructor
- I struggle with organizing my thoughts and work
- I tend to procrastinate on big assignments
- I am afraid of getting a bad grade and doing poorly
- I don’t sleep well, and it is hard to concentrate on reading when I’m tired
Being aware of external opportunities and threats
Opportunities are all around you- and so are threats. Think of these as external things you can not control but can manage. For example, an opportunity you have in college is to seek out help from groups like the writing center, tutoring center, or library. You make a choice to increase the odds you’ll succeed in your work. An example of a threat could be your work schedule, team members in a class group project who are unreliable, or family members who need your attention or distract you. You can’t control any of those, but you can be mindful of these possibilities and have a plan on how to minimize the impact of them.
Examples
Opportunities
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Threats
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SWOT analysis
One way to evaluate a situation, goal, action, or decision you are making is to do a SWOT analysis. SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats and is a simple framework to help you assess something you are considering. SWOT is used in business for decisions, goals, and project work, but it can also be used by you, as a student, to:
- prepare for an assignment
- plan how to approach a class
- assess a goal you want to achieve
- identify how to move forward when you are stuck
You can use the SWOT frame to write down and organize your ideas, thoughts, and next steps.
SWOT frame
I want to evaluate:
| Strengths
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Weaknesses
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| Opportunities
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Threats
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Steps I need to take:
To do a SWOT analysis
- Set up a SWOT frame like above
- Write out the assignment, goal, situation, or decision you need to make
- Consider each block within the frame and fill in:
| Strengths
Strengths are things you do well, knowledge or skills you have, resources, and experiences that are yours to use and benefit from. They are internal and within your control. You should use your strengths as you work and learn. However, it can be difficult to identify your strengths, as you may take them for granted or not realize what you are good at and able to do. Examples: curiosity, background knowledge of the subject, asking for help, and writing |
Weaknesses
Weaknesses are things you need more practice and experience with, things you do not understand, and areas where you have not had experience or developed knowledge and skills. Like strengths, weaknesses are internal and something you can work on and improve. Weaknesses are opportunities for learning and skill-building. Examples: procrastination, organization, reading speed, note-taking |
| Opportunities
Opportunities are external resources and relationships that can help you be successful. You can use these opportunities to increase your knowledge and skills and for support, feedback, and guidance. Look outside yourself for opportunities and consider who can help you with your classes, work, and career. Examples: faculty office hours, study groups, tutoring/writing center, and library |
Threats
Threats are external things that can prevent you from being successful. They can be positive or negative and are often unintentional. Threats include those that can distract or draw your attention from what you need to do. You can’t control threats, but knowing what they are lets you plan and manage them. Examples: work schedule, family commitments, friends, and social activities |
| Success = | recognizing and using your strengths, taking opportunities, improving on weaknesses, managing threats |
Taking steps to be authentic and honest
Work on your emotional control
An honest and authentic person can pause and reflect on their feelings and manage those feelings in a non-destructive way. They reflect before they react and are aware of how acting on their emotions can cause damage to relationships, prevent them from learning what they need to, and lower the quality of their work.
To regulate yourself when you are emotional:
- Walk away from whatever is happening and pause any reactions (this is hard to do).
- When upset or emotional, change your physical state (by moving, changing temperature, or turning on music) to calm your limbic system.
- Identify how you feel (name the emotion) and what happened before the feeling.
- Accept what you are feeling and avoid judging yourself or how you feel.
- Reframe the situation by asking yourself what your choices are and what will make you feel safer and in control in the moment.
- Consider how you could react to these feelings and identify the best way to cope with them.
People react emotionally, and emotions are not right or wrong- but what we do with those emotions can damage relationships, prevent us from success, and make us feel terrible about ourselves. Removing yourself from the situation, calming your limbic system, and processing your feelings and options for reacting can help you regulate your emotions and control your life and choices.
Being true to yourself
Being true to yourself requires knowing yourself, your values, and your goals. It requires time to reflect on what you are doing or have done, how it has felt, and what you need to change for the future. Knowing these can help you make decisions that fit you and are true to who you are now and are working to be in the future.
Being true to yourself requires that you:
- Know who you are
- Understand your motives
- Identify your feelings
- State your strengths and weaknesses honestly
- Are clear about who you are and what you have done and want to do
- Pay attention to your choices and how they feel
- Adjust your actions when they are not working for you
- Acknowledge and take care of your needs, including mental, physical, emotional, and social
- Accept that you will sometimes be uncomfortable
To make decisions that align with who you are:
- Revisit your values. Consider the person you are and want to be, and think about your goals
- List all of your options and consider how they will affect you or the results of each
- Determine what course of action or decision fits your values, goals, and who you are
- Make your choice and monitor actions and reactions; adjust if you can and need to
Being true to yourself requires that you know and trust yourself and are comfortable making decisions, building relationships, completing work, and collaborating with those around you. The trade-off for this hard work is that you’ll be more comfortable with yourself and what you do and have an accurate view of who you are and what you are capable of.
Managing fear
While managing your emotions is important, managing fear is necessary for authenticity and honesty. Fear can prevent you from taking chances, learning and growing, and building experiences and relationships that enrich your life. Understanding what you fear, facing it, and making choices that enrich your life helps you move forward.
To manage your fears:
- Examine your fear: Identify what you are afraid of, break down your fear into parts, and consider what could happen and why you fear it.
- Trust yourself: Spend time reading about the issue, learn what you need to manage it, and recognize that if you make a mistake, you can correct it.
- Make a choice to manage the fear and deal with the parts of it- for example, set up a plan for the best, worst, and most likely scenarios and identify support if needed.
- Monitor what happens and how you feel, and when necessary, remind yourself that you can make changes and adjust how you manage the fearful situation.
Fear is powerful and a natural response to things that feel threatening. It can also limit what you do, learn, and achieve by keeping you from taking risks or trying new things. Identifying why you feel fear and then taking steps to build your knowledge, skills, and confidence can help you move past fear so it does not limit your life.
Being mindful
One of the most important steps in being honest and authentic is being mindful. Mindfulness requires that you be aware of your experiences, actions, emotions, and thoughts without judging yourself. It also requires that you be aware and accepting of yourself and use what you learn about yourself to understand yourself and how you react and live.
To practice mindfulness:
- Take breaks to think about your thoughts and emotions.
- Start by focusing on your senses—touch, smell, hearing, and sight—and what each tells you about your environment and emotional state.
- Let your mind wander as you focus on breathing and your senses.
- Consider why you might feel how you do or what led to your thoughts.
- Avoid judging yourself.
- Acknowledge and explore negative thoughts and emotions instead of trying to ignore them.
Mindfulness can help you become aware of how you feel and think, accept and understand those thoughts and feelings, and manage uncomfortable emotions. It can also help you manage stress and anxiety and build a stronger sense of self and confidence.
Authenticity and integrity in your college work
For most students, authenticity refers to doing work that is uniquely yours, using your own thoughts based on the sources you’ve read and worked with. Honesty typically refers to how you complete your work. Together, honest and authentic work showcases your learning and ideas. While it uses other people’s work as a foundation, it is your own and something to be proud of. You’ll hear the term academic integrity used to describe work in college.
Academic integrity and college
The term academic integrity refers to how you approach and complete your work in college. It includes any work you complete, including presentations, exams or tests, and written work. Acting with academic integrity includes being truthful, taking credit only for your own ideas and work, and giving credit to other people’s work and ideas when you use them. It also means that you complete your own work, with the requirements of your class(es), without cheating and falsification, completing work for others, or helping them cheat or falsify work. It is important to understand that academic integrity and your school’s academic integrity policy may limit how you can use technology.
Academic dishonesty- anything less than acting in an honest way in completing your work- is problematic for several reasons. It prevents you from learning. It undermines the academic environment, which requires that you and your instructor trust each other and work together. It makes you appear to have skills and knowledge that you do not- and that is an issue when you are called to use those skills and knowledge in a new situation (in college, your personal life, or the workforce).
Plagiarism is a significant concern in college environments and refers to the use of other people’s work without proper credit. Your college work will rely on other people’s work; the trick is giving credit. When you give credit to an author for their ideas, you make it clear where your ideas came from, support your own work, and build your credibility as an educated person. It is also the right thing to do, based on college expectations of academic integrity. As a general rule, you should give credit when:
- You use other people’s exact words (quote)
- You use other people’s ideas or discoveries, for example, from research
Your college or university has an academic integrity policy, and it includes consequences for academic dishonesty and plagiarism. You should become familiar with this policy as it will help you be confident that you are approaching work with integrity, and without cause to be concerned.