How do you want to change the world?

As I’ve mentioned, everyone comes to college to be better. Even a supervillain goes to college to be better at villainy. (Side question: Does a villain think they are the villain? Probably not—at least not most of them. They think they are doing the right thing. Don’t we all think we are right and doing the right thing?).

Part of doing better includes how you want to change the world. Some people have big goals- and want to make extreme, sweeping changes that affect everyone. That’s great. But not all change has to be big; you don’t have to want to change the world for everyone. You likely want to change the world for those close to you who share the challenges you have experienced or witnessed. You may want to make things better for a certain group of people or people in a specific location. You may want to improve things for your family and friends or future family and friends. No matter how big or small, the change you want to make is a big part of your college experience.

So we all have this drive for change- yet change is a scary topic for many people. Even if you want change, if you seek the change (like coming to college), it can still be

overwhelming, anxiety-producing, and scary

Change and opportunity

Imagine if change always led to good things- to a kinder, safer, cleaner, and more comfortable world. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Humans are wired to seek out novelty- we like new and positive things. This is part of our drive FOR change, this desire for new and better. It is powerful and probably is one of the things that led you to college. Unfortunately, your brain is also aware of the risks of change and tries to take steps to protect you from the negatives of change.  Your brain is constantly filtering what could happen through your previous experience of what has happened. It uses resistance and fear to protect you- which might be good in some cases but can be problematic in college (and beyond).

Why do we resist change?

Simply put, because a lot of change is negative.

Think about change in your life. When you reach college, you realize that change is often negative. Negative changes bring us more work, less rewards and enjoyment, and a higher risk of failure.

We don’t like change that might:

• hurt us
• increase our risks of failure or losing someone or something we value
• take too much energy
• not make sense based on what we already know

When we get to college, everything feels more serious, and focusing on the negative consequences of mistakes is easy. Of course, it seems easier to play it safely and repeat what has worked before. After all, our brains filter anything new through our previous experiences and knowledge. When it comes to college, though, this filtering through prior knowledge and experience can increase our resistance to change, push us to use older learning and work patterns, and make us unaware of where we need to put our efforts in classes.

Let’s look at fear and resistance in more detail.

Fear and change

Change is scary.

These three words are so small and so true. When I talk to students, I hear about stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. Remember:

• Overwhelm comes from many demands being made without a system or strategy to manage them.
• Stress comes from feeling that you lack the necessary resources to tackle the challenge you are managing.
• Anxiety is an emotional state with feelings of tension, unease, and worry, plus physical changes, including sweating, shakiness or dizziness, and changes in blood pressure or heart rate. Anxiety can be linked to something that will or could happen in the future or to something vague or non-specific.

So, each of these- overwhelm, stress, and anxiety- is slightly different from fear. However, fear is often driving or at least adding to these feelings. For example:

• Being overwhelmed is often made worse by the fear of failure and letting others (or yourself) down
• Fears can cause stress, and fear can make stress feel worse by making you feel even less able to handle the challenges you have (remember, a challenge can be a paper or test in a class, getting to school on time, or balancing school, homework, and work hours—the list is endless).
• Anxiety and fear are different since anxiety is focused on a future possibility, and fear is a short-term response to a real threat or problem. That said, fear and anxiety are words that are used together and interact with each other- it might not be possible for you even to separate these ideas right now.

What kinds of things do college students fear?

The number one fear I hear from students is that they have a FEAR OF FAILURE.

When I talk with students, they are afraid of letting their families down, letting the people around them down, letting themselves down, or losing their opportunity for a good future.

College and all adult decisions seem significant, important, and PERMANENT. It can feel like failing a class, choosing the wrong major, or handing in a paper that is not quality work can completely derail your future. The stakes seem high in college, and the fear of failure can be overwhelming.

You might think this pressure would make students work better, but strangely enough, the fear of failure causes students to FREEZE or FLEE.

Fear of failure, of making the wrong move or choice, and the idea that you’ll never be able to recover from it is both common and toxic. It disables your ability to think, destroys your motivation, and leaves you feeling terrible.

One of the ways that fear of failure shows up is by resistance to change. Students- and faculty- are often resistant to change because of fear. We might also be resistant to change because we do not understand the change or the process of the change. We can also be resistant because they do not realize they NEED to change.

Resistance to change

We are all resistant to some change. Remember, our brains filter what can happen through our previous experiences, which may encourage us to resist changes. In some ways, avoiding change can be a survival strategy- because if things are working, why change them? It’s ok to sit in the same seat in the classroom, like coffee the same way every day, eat the same things for breakfast, or take the same route to school. But sometimes someone else sits in our seat, our coffee IS different, the breakfast we prefer is not available, and there is a detour on the way to school. These changes can be tough in the moment, but we usually recover pretty quickly. The problem is when we must be flexible and change how we think or behave, and we struggle with it. That can be resistance.

Resistance to change can range from a refusal to try something new (I ONLY have my coffee with sugar and milk) to fear-driven responses like anger, avoidance, and freezing.

Resisting change is often a problem. Since college is a time of change, you will likely need to constantly adjust your thinking and behavior.

In college, resisting change actually means rejecting growth.

Suppose you refuse to change how you tackle a writing assignment. In that case, you’ll likely find that your work does not meet college standards (high school writing typically is not what your college faculty are asking for). In fact, you should listen to each faculty member about what they expect because it can be so different from what you think or have done.

If you resist change too much:

• You may not learn what you need in a class.
• You may not perform well on tests or projects.
• You may rely on older learning patterns, such as high school or elementary math, writing, and reading skills.
• You could learn less, miss out on developing essential skills, and prevent growth in your field.
• You could miss the chance to meet new people or to try new activities.
• You could increase the chance of health issues and negative emotions.

Accepting all change can be a problem, too. In college, you may find yourself surrounded by options for activities, mindsets, and behavior. Accepting these and changing yourself without thinking carefully about how they may affect you can be a problem.

If you accept change without considering it carefully:

• You may take risks with your health and wellness.
• You may take safety risks.
• You might ignore important information in class and outside of class.
• You may make impulsive or illogical decisions (for example, spending money).
• You might damage or even lose meaningful relationships.
• You might lose control of who you are and want to be because you are not looking at how changes could affect you.

A balance between too much and not enough resistance to change is necessary to live a full, stable, productive life. Numerous researchers have worked to understand how resistance relates to a person’s prior experiences, current state, and decision-making.

It is enough to know that resistance to change—the amount you seek or reject change—is a trait related to how you handle internal and external change and how others view you. Each person balances resisting and embracing change based on their history, life experiences, current state of mind, lifestyle, and resources.

How do people cope with change?

It takes time to accept change, even good change. It’s tempting to jump into change (for example, starting college, you might want to do everything available). For many people, though, a slower start makes sense because it allows them to see what is happening, form ideas and expectations, decide how the change will benefit them, and plan steps, including actions and steps.

Some people cope with change by AVOIDING the change- for example:

• ignoring what is happening
• acting like nothing is happening
• refusing to change their habits, routines, and behaviors
• skipping classes or meetings with faculty or advising
• not completing paperwork or assignments or other important tasks

While avoiding change works in the short term, it likely causes problems. Managing change is hard work- and it could be helpful to:

• Let yourself experience your emotions and discuss how you feel
• Try to keep your feelings managed so that they do not cause you harm or damage your relationships
• Seek support from people who can help you work through how you feel and accept and integrate the change into your life
• Create new routines and adjust your existing habits to adapt to the changes in your life
• Identify and then take steps to make sure the change is positive for you in the long term

Want to learn more about coping with change? Read Coping With Change – Facing Fear and the “New Normal”

How do you approach- or retreat- from change?

Everyone has a way of managing change and a general way of reacting to change. Some changes can be handled with little stress or reaction; others may cause immense stress and a strong emotional and behavioral response. You can react differently based on the change type and when or how it happens. You might find your reactions to change are different than other people’s because your relationship with change is uniquely your own. Knowing your pattern will help you manage your reactions and feelings.

Think about recent events in your life and how you have reacted to them. Consider the following:

• How do you typically react when things change?
• How easily do you establish and adjust to new routines?
• How much do you think about the change when things change?
• How easily do you change your mind? What does it take to change your mind?
• How do you react emotionally to change?

These questions can help you assess how you handle change- and knowing your typical reaction can help you determine the changes you want to make to your mindset to help you thrive in college.

Changes that you may need to adapt to

Relationships

Students I’ve spoken with tell me that their relationships change as they enter and progress through college. This includes:

• Friendships- as you and your friends experience new and possibly different things, build new mindsets and habits, and find new interests. Students often struggle to figure out how to maintain established friendships while building new friendships that are connected to their new college life. Some students report having difficulty finding time for two sets of friends (college friends vs. established friendships) or shifting between the two types of friends.
• Family relationships- as you learn about life outside your family and community, form your own ideas and become more independent. Students have told me that they’ve found it hard to talk to their parents and siblings, that they have new and different views on life and work after attending classes, and that they struggle with expectations, especially if their family is unfamiliar with the demands of college. It can be challenging to transition to your identity as a college student with so many responsibilities when your family sees you as they did when you were a child. You may find that you need to discuss your needs and responsibilities regarding your college education and set boundaries that allow you to attend college and do your work while remaining an involved, responsible family member.
• Casual relationships- such as extended family and people in the community. Some students have shared that others expect them to answer questions about their future plans or treat them differently because they choose to attend college. With these types of relationships, it’s okay to be vague with your answers or be pleasant and walk away- especially if they do not support your choices.

Technology

Technology will change as you work towards your degree- and your relationship and use of technology will also change. An example is using basic productivity software like word processors, presentation slides, and spreadsheets. You might have been using this type of software since you were young (many schools teach these starting in late elementary school, around third grade). In college, you will continue to use these technologies, but you will likely use them for either new forms of work or more involved work that builds on what you’ve done in the past.

Your relationship with searching will change, too. You will likely develop better searching, skimming, and reading skills and a new ability to determine what evidence is worth using. This is related to information literacy—the ability to find, assess, and use informational sources to make decisions and produce work.

Even your relationship with your phone might change as you identify how you can use it to manage how you navigate your day and organize the work you need to do.

As you consider technology and its role in your life, consider how it can help you meet your goals, make organization and workload easier to manage, and ensure that your college work is accurate, based on good informational sources, and fits your ideas and values.

Knowledge

One of the most valuable and challenging things you learn in college is that knowledge is temporary. We- humans- are constantly learning new things, which means shedding old ideas that no longer make sense. This is tough, and forming a new relationship with information, knowledge, and wisdom can make you question what people tell you. It SHOULD make you question what you hear- and cause you to think deeply about who is telling you the information, why they are sharing it, where it came from, and if it makes sense given everything else you know. We’ll talk more about that later- because knowledge is one of the reasons why we attend college.

How you think matters

Once you know how you handle change and how much you typically resist it, you can identify the parts of your mindset that can help you thrive during change. Thriving with change means reacting in a way that you feel is healthy, supports your goals, and does not cause you too much stress or anxiety.

Some general tips about changing how you think:

• Relax your mind- including letting your guard down and not worrying about being “right.”
• Avoid focusing, and let your mind wander so that you can try out new ideas and possibilities.
• Think deeply for a short period of time, and then take a break. During the break, do something different (preferably physical, like taking a walk or a shower). This lets your mind wander as you focus on something else.

• Change your environment. Leave your room, go outside or somewhere new, close your eyes, or dim the lights so it’s dark. By changing your environment, you are more likely to think differently.
• Avoid distractions. Turn off your phone, avoid chores or work to be done, and even regular everyday things that remind you of work you need to do. Instead, sit with yourself, with no one and nothing to distract you. After some time, your imagination will kick in.
• Examine one of your strong beliefs. Consider it, define it, and then sit and think about why you may be wrong. Come up with reasons why others may have a different idea or conclusion. Think about why or how you could be wrong. This isn’t about changing your beliefs but about examining what you think and how you think.
• Set yourself up for a positive experience and emotion. Find something that brings you joy, happiness, contentment, gratitude, or satisfaction. Small moments of positive emotions can help you be open to new experiences and thoughts and help you be energized for your next challenge.

Types of thinking that can help with change

Flexible thinking

Thinking about a situation, task, or problem in different ways

Use when:

• You are stuck on a task
• Have problems managing time and workload
• Do not know enough about the topic
• Need a new approach

Critical thinking

Analyzing information with an awareness of your knowledge and biases to inform your judgments

Use when:

• You need to make an important decision
• When things you hear or read do not make sense
• When others are trying to sway your thoughts or emotions
• When topics are complex

Creative thinking

Considering a task, event, problem, or opportunity in new ways (for example, by brainstorming solutions)

Use when you:

• begin a project or paper
• have a goal and control over how to meet it
• have experience and knowledge of the topic
• should create a unique work