9 Chapter 9: Toasts
When celebrations occur around food such as a sit-down dinner or cocktail hour, it can be tempting to give a toast. In this chapter, we’ll think about what makes a good toast, what problems happen when toasts go wrong, and the cross-cultural use of toasts.
Toasts are commonly thought of when a speaker “raises her glass” in honor of someone. While your might immediately think of wedding toasts, these short speeches happen at many celebrations. They range from honoring of a great aunt’s birthday, to celebrating a colleague’s promotion, and when a community group has achieved their fundraising goals. While the contents of the glass are often alcohol, you DO NOT need to drink or have alcohol in your glass to give a toast. Water, juice, and other beverages will do. The honor comes from the giving of the speech in honor of a person, not the contents of the speaker’s glass.
Toasts are brief – often between 30 and 60 seconds. They begin when a speaker calls attention – this might be by tapping silverware on to a glass, but more often is done by raising one’s voice or approaching a microphone. The speech should be given at a time that feels right – that will depend on the setting, but at a minimum must happen when all of the guests are present, when the person being honored is present, and usually when the guest are seated. At a meal, it is good to give a toast in the middle to the end of the meal – in this way it is both a thanks for the event and also an honor to a specific person or group of people.
If you are preparing to give a toast, you can make use of many online recommendations of quotes and tributes. Or, you can go with a simple format of:
- Call attention
- Express your gratitude and admiration for both the person and the event
- Explain (quickly!) how you are related to the person or group being toasted
- Raise your glass
- Give a simple line “Here’s to Rahella!” and take a small drink of your beverage.
Toasts are not often written down because they are so short and many times easy to remember. However, this is a very public speech that you want to get right. As such, writing down your toast, especially one for an anniversary, wedding, or other large event, is acceptable.
When toasts are not planned – such as at a large dinner – you can still offer one. However, it is important in these settings to observe the decorum of the event and think about how you fit into the setting. Do you know all the people present? And if so, where do you fit into their hierarchy? For example, consider an intern at a large firm. She’s been invited to join at the last moment at a dinner commemorating a senior colleague’s retirement. She’s met the colleague a few times before, but doesn’t have a direct personal relationship with them. While this intern may feel moved to give a toast, she is not expected to do so. And it may be confusing to the audience if she does – the audience would think “who is she???” and “why is she speaking now?”.
Consider again our intern – this time her attendance at the retirement dinner is invited and planned weeks ahead. The retiring colleague has been a wonderful mentor to the intern, giving much needed advice and introductions. In this case, it might be appropriate for the intern to give a toast. However, her toast should not be first. The first toast might come from a senior colleague or even a family member. Then, others may join in by offering their own toasts. At this time, it is appropriate for the intern to speak. Remember that the honor of the toast is in honoring the person – in this case the retiring colleague. A toast should not draw unnecessary attention to the speaker, and it is not the time for a speaker to brag, tell stories about their own life, or otherwise distract from the event.
Toasts exist in many cultures and in many languages. When you are entering into a new cultural space – be it professional, social, religious, or community, it is wise to research and consider what will be the proper behavior for you – the guest. Your author, in her time working abroad has learned of many ways to participate in toast without having to drink the offered alcohol. Of how to offer toasts at events for children, at occasions where she does not speak the local language well, and how to conveniently duck out of the room before toasts begin. You, too, can consider the role that you’d like to play and prepare to participate or not in the most polite and ethical way possible.
