Why Every Couple Should Take a Love Language Test Together

Learn why taking the love language test together builds a deeper emotional connection, prevents conflict, and strengthens long-term love.

The Power of Taking the Love Language Test as a Couple to Strengthen Your Relationship

Relationships thrive on connection — emotional, physical, and psychological. Yet even the most well-intentioned couples can find themselves at odds, feeling disconnected or misunderstood.

Why? Because they may be speaking entirely different emotional dialects. That’s where the concept of love languages comes in, introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages.

A love language is the way we express and receive love. According to Chapman, there are five main types, and while we may appreciate all of them, most people have one or two dominant languages. Knowing your own and your partner’s love language is one of the most practical tools for strengthening your relationship. That’s why every couple, whether dating, engaged, married, or long-term partners, should take a love language test together.

The 5 Love Languages

It’s entirely possible — and actually common — for couples to love each other deeply yet still feel emotionally disconnected. One partner may be consistently doing things for the other (Acts of Service), thinking they’re expressing love clearly, while the other yearns for more conversation or emotional closeness (Quality Time).

According to Chapman, this kind of emotional misalignment is one of the most common causes of relationship dissatisfaction. Take a test to find out your love language together to bring these gaps to the surface in a nonjudgmental and constructive way. Usually, the problem isn’t the lack of love, it’s the lack of communication in the right emotional “language”.

Before we get into more reasons why you should take the test as a couple, let’s quickly go over the 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation: Expressing love through verbal compliments, praise, and words of appreciation. For example: “I love the way you support me,” or “You’re amazing at what you do.”

2. Acts of Service: Showing love through actions that help ease your partner’s burden, like doing chores, cooking a meal, or running errands.

3. Receiving Gifts: Giving and receiving gifts to show you care. It’s not about materialism, it’s about the thought and effort behind the gift.

4. Quality Time: Giving your partner your attention. The activity could be anything from a deep conversation to enjoying a hobby together.

5. Physical Touch: Communicating affection through physical contact: hugs, kisses, holding hands, or even a pat on the back.

Each person has their own emotional preferences, and love languages highlight how different those can be, even in close relationships.

Why Take the Test Together

While it’s helpful to know your own love language, taking the test with your partner adds a powerful layer of empathy, insight, and shared intention. Here’s why it matters:

1. It Sparks Honest, Vulnerable Conversation

Many couples go years without having an explicit conversation about how they like to give and receive love. Taking the love language test together opens up a healthy conversation about emotional needs, preferences, and expectations. These conversations, in turn, can deepen intimacy and trust.

2. It Prevents Miscommunication

A lot of couples assume their partner “should just know” what they want or need. Unfortunately, love isn’t telepathic. The test gives couples a framework for understanding each other better and minimizing misunderstandings rooted in unmet expectations.

3. It Reduces Unnecessary Conflict

Many arguments stem from feeling unappreciated or unseen. But if your partner simply doesn’t realize how you best feel loved, it’s not a lack of care — it’s a lack of knowledge. Understanding each other’s love language helps reduce resentment and repeated conflict by changing how you both approach love and support.

4. It Encourages Intentional Acts of Love

Once you know what makes your partner feel most valued, you can start to love them more intentionally. If their love language is Physical Touch, a spontaneous hug or a hand on the shoulder can have more emotional weight than any gift. If it’s Acts of Service, doing the dishes or prepping coffee for them in the morning might make them feel more loved than any romantic poem.

5. It Helps Rekindle Long-Term Relationships

Over time, life gets busy. Couples fall into routines. The initial “spark” may fade under the weight of careers, children, and daily stress. Relearning each other’s emotional needs through the lens of love languages can rekindle closeness and create new patterns of connection.

Real-Life Scenarios

Here are a few examples of how understanding love languages can change everything:

• Anna and Mark had been married for eight years. Anna felt unloved despite Mark working long hours to provide for the family. When they took the love language test, they discovered Mark’s primary love language was Acts of Service and Anna’s was Words of Affirmation. Once Mark started speaking his appreciation verbally, and Anna began to see Mark’s actions as his way of saying “I love you”, their emotional connection grew.

• Sam and Jenna were constantly arguing about not spending enough time together. Jenna’s love language was Quality Time and Sam, a gift-giver by nature, thought his surprise gifts would be enough. The test helped them realize what Jenna craved most wasn’t more presents but meaningful time and focused attention.

These kinds of revelations can change everything.

What the Test Looks Like

The love language test is a simple 30-question quiz that compares different scenarios and asks which makes you feel more appreciated. For example:

Would you rather:
A) Lie in bed, coming up with inside jokes only you two get
В) Have your partner help you clean up as you plan your weekend?

These answers help you figure out which of the five love languages resonates most with you.

Common Objections — And Why They Don’t Hold Up

Some people might dismiss the love languages framework as “too simple” or “just another relationship trend”. But consider this: many long-term couples still struggle to meet each other’s emotional needs, not because of a lack of love but a lack of clear understanding. The beauty of the love languages model is in its simplicity and practicality. It gives couples a shared vocabulary and action plan.

Another concern is that love languages can become rigid or overused — i.e., “I’m a Words of Affirmation person, so I need compliments all the time”. But the intention isn’t to box people in. It’s to increase emotional awareness and encourage balance. Ideally, couples learn to speak each other’s language while also expanding their own emotional fluency.

Make It a Habit, Not a One-Time Test

Don’t make the love language test a one-time activity. People change. Life seasons shift. What made you feel loved at 25 may not be the same at 40.

Check in with each other regularly:

• “Have your emotional needs changed lately?”

• “Am I doing anything that makes you feel loved right now?”

• “Is there something more I can do to support you emotionally?”

Revisit your love languages annually or during big life changes to keep your relationship growing and responsive.

Final Thoughts

Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a skill. And like any skill, it gets better with knowledge, practice, and intention. The love language test isn’t a magic fix, but it’s a great starting point. It encourages couples to listen better, care deeper, and act more thoughtfully.

In a world of distractions and disconnection, taking 15 minutes to understand how you and your partner give and receive love is one of the best investments you can make in your relationship.